Why Scots wear kilts: is it because Scots have better legs than other men, or are their lovely legs caused by kilts? We investigate.
My Hotel Story No.1, Britches, is chronologically the first in the series (links in bold italics are to other posts on this site). It features numerous Scots attending a joint St Patrick’s Day and Burns Night party (they exist: I’ve been to several).
You can find “Britches” on Amazon by clicking on the cover
Introducing Tatiana
It’s good to re-read a story and enjoy it. Here are two excerpts from Britches which show the observational powers, and brilliance, of Tatiana. She is a naive, beautiful woman. She has just started work in a 5* hotel in the historic capital of her beautiful but not yet fully economically developed country.
Tatiana is the narrator of the Hotel Stories. She is to Ms N, the genius hotel manager who drives the action of the stories, like Dr Watson to Sherlock Holmes.
Excerpt 1: a bad-shaving massacre
As Tatiana is manhandled through a crowded party in the Dionysus Bar of the hotel by an over-excited guest, she assesses the situation:
I try to relax and to focus on my task, which is to turn the music down, or even off. As I am being dragged I examine the people I am being dragged past in case they can help me. Most of the men have more white hair than the women, but their noses are not so sharp and their lips are less stretched. They are dressed in black suits with black or white open-necked shirts and some of them have what look like small white moustaches. But when I look closer I see that they have dabs of white powder under their nose as if they have cut themselves shaving.
It is as if there has been a bad-shaving massacre in the Basement Luxury Venue.
Tatiana does not yet have the experience to know why so many of the male guests have white powder under their noses. We, the readers, can guess.
Excerpt 2: why Scots wear kilts
Later, Tatiana recruits help from some men in kilts to tackle a problem. We see her famous analytical skills in action:
If I am honest, I am thinking that the man with the hairy, shapely legs has already tonight had one or more drinks. But in a moment he has pulled three other men in skirts from the crowd of people who are watching the Long-Legged Lovely Lassies. All of this new group of men also have hairy, shapely legs. In fact, I am wondering whether this is because men with hairy, shapely legs are enjoying wearing a skirt more than men with legs which are not so hairy or shapely; or whether it is because wearing a skirt makes a man’s legs more hairy and shapely.
Is one of these reasons why Scots wear kilts? I am 12.5% Scottish on some counts, and wear a kilt myself sometimes. I can’t vouch for the quality of my legs. But I like the way Tatiana thinks.
A talented woman, is Tatiana. Never confuse ignorance – not knowing something – with stupidity.
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